Crazy in Alabama

Weekend update

2008-10-13T09:20:00.002-05:00

This weekend was busy as usual. The Shrimpfest was this weekend so there were a kajillion people on the beach. Good news/bad news is that this is probably the last really busy weekend until Spring Break 2009. I am so burned out from pouring booze I could just hurl. My hands are beat to shit and if some jack ass tells me he wants a virgin strawberry daquiri I'll be forced to do something not nice.

Anyway, the BF got back into town earlier than expected Saturday night. What a pleasant surprise---he's been back and forth in the past few weeks and I've missed him terribly. We had a nice (but late) dinner and kicked back at a beach bar and drank some delicious Miller Lites.

Side note: Does anyone else remember when Miller Lite was just "Lite"? Cause it was the only one?

The Prestige by Christopher Priest

2008-10-09T21:18:00.009-05:00

Seeing as how there isn't anything I would like more than being the meat in a big ol' Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman sandwich, I have seen The Prestige about thirty times, no exagerration needed. The movie itself, obviously left me hungry for more detail, more backstory, just more. So I picked up, via Amazon (who knows me so well) a copy of The Prestige, a novel by Christopher Priest on which the movie was based.

Loosely. The characters all have the same names and occupations, sure, but really that's where the similarity ends.

The book is told through a series of journal entries from the viewpoint of Alfred Borden and Rupert Angier, and some first-person narrative of the descendents of those men. The novel begins with a descendent of Alfred Borden, Andrew Westley, an author for a sensationalist rag of sorts, crossing paths with Kate Angiers. There isn't a huge amount of information given, only that Andrew feels deeply that he has a missing twin that he has no recollection of meeting, there is great tragedy intertwined within the histories of Borden and Angier, and that there is a larger mystery that we just have to be patient enough to be rewarded with the answers.

The book on its own is a decent read. Priest is very sparing, revealing bits of the picture as the narrative progresses, and there aren't any grand revelations until the last pages. I found the way the journal entries of the two illusionists give varying viewpoints of the same events intriguing; for instance, the initial event that led to the multi-generational inter-family squabble is completely different as viewed by the offender vs. the offendee. I believe I cheated myself somewhat by stubbornly trying to find the narrative of the movie buried in the narrative of the book; it's really not there.

The subject of Borden's *spoiler* twin is barely touched upon, and never takes center stage. *end spoiler*

I sought out the novel because I wanted clarification of a movie I absolutely love, i.e., what's the connection with Lord Caldlow? What about Alfred's interactions with Tesla, if there were any? What I found was a novel that was hacked to pieces and restructured completely, sort of like a Bratz doll (ever see these things with the dismembered feet and whatnot? Creepy) to create an entirely different story for the cinema crowds. Both stories are interesting and engaging, centered around Rupert Angier's unsatiated desire for knowledge and prestige (the definition I am more familiar with), and the price he paid for obtaining both.

Quiet realization

2008-10-09T17:05:00.004-05:00

Funny what your life looks in a rear view mirror. Forgive me father(s) for I have sinned, it's been six month since my last blog post.

So yeah, the therapist was right.

Aside from that, I'm currently seeing a new super-great guy (read: he spoils me).

Life is fantastic. I work a BUNCH between two jobs, plus still being in college. At 34. As a single mom. Shut up, you know I'm supergirl.

Wow, it's been almost a year

2008-04-04T14:34:00.002-05:00

Since I've posted anything on this blog. Too weird.

The past year has, obviously, brought about a number of changes. Since my last post, I started working at a beach bar (waitressing and bartending), I got into a rather serious relationship with someone twenty years older than me, just got out of it, and oh yeah, I think I'm actually divorced now.

I think I've finally reached some level of sanity/stability in life. I spent a LOT of last year trying to find happiness through sexual satisfaction. I can't even consider how many random partners I had last year. I refuse to consider it.

I did, at the end of last year, have the complete tune-up; I had all the tests run, and I got an "A". No STD's HIV whatever THANK GOD. It could have been potentially verrry bad. I can only thank the luck of the Irish. I had nothing personally to do with it. Since that time, I haven't had any new partners; and at the time I was seeing someone monogamously.

Now I'm back in the dating scene, I guess. I have a couple of men that are interested, both are wealthy (thank heavens). That, by the way, is my strategy for surviving the economic downturn; i'm only going to date rich guys who are willing to spend money on me. I don't need their money to survive, but I would like someone to make me comfy when times are tight. Does that make me a bad person? Just practical, I think. I mean, I'm not going to have my looks forever. I came across a photo of my mother at my age; good god, she's not even close these days. I hope to get another ten years worth of mileage out of this face. I guess it's the best I could hope for.

The aftermath (?) or, waiting for the other shoe to drop

2007-05-18T14:50:00.000-05:00

Well, I've left my husband. Moved out. Filed for divorce. It really hasn't been as awful as I had anticipated. Don't get me wrong, this is a terrible, terrible experience. However, he seems to be taking it rather well. If you overlook the constant tears. It breaks my heart to hurt someone in the way that I have hurt him. There is absolutely no taking it back. I wish I could keep all the hurt to myself so I could spare him, I swear it.

He told me today that someone told him about seeing me with someone else. Well, what he said was, I know you are seeing someone. And he apologized for not making enough money in our marriage. Isn't that just crazy?

The truth of the matter is, yes, I have been seeing someone. But only since I left him. I was not seeing this person beforehand. Not that anyone would believe me. This person I have been seeing is now officially freaked out because he's separated and thinks that the timing of everything will look SSOOOO bad. And it would. But it's not as bad as someone might assume. I actually think that I am in love with this person. It has been many years since I have felt this way about anyone. Is it rebound? No, not really. I had feelings for this person before I left the DH. I probably would have happily (at least temporarily) had an affair because by that point I had already stopped loving my husband, and I have never been in love with him. However, this person is of the stuff that he totally put the brakes on, saying that it was wrong.

No one was happier than me that he wanted to see me after I left the husband. I am so happy when I'm with this other person. My therapist thinks I'm in a euphoric state. So does that mean that nothing I am feeling is real?

One more day

2007-04-19T09:18:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow's my big day. Where I get all my answers. I can't tell you how hard it is to be at home these days. I am conveniently busy all the time. Golf game after work today? You freaking bet. No? OK, I'll go work out. Or go to some kind of civic group meeting. I'm going out of town next week and I'm so glad. I just want to be left alone.

I'm nervous and scared. I'm scared about what is going to happen when he finds out I'm leaving. What if something happens and he won't let it happen? Can he do that? Do I have to stay? Do I have a choice? Right now it just doesn't seem possible. I can only hope for the best.

Last night he did something disgusting that he does (I can't remember what it was now) and I made that face I make when he totally grosses me out, and he said something along the lines of that I was stuck with him, I had to deal with it. Why am I stuck with him? Who says so? Don't I have any say in the matter? I don't want to be stuck with him anymore.

Oops, just remembered, I have to make an appointment with a counselor. I'll write more later.

Two more days

2007-04-18T08:47:00.000-05:00

Well, I have two more days to wait until I see an attorney. I'm so excited, and scared. I feel like I'm a bad person for wanting out of my marriage, but I at the same time feel like I've lived too much of my life trying to be happy by making other people happy.

Oh, and guess what

2007-04-17T08:11:00.001-05:00

Since I've made that decision, I can sleep. Who knew?

Divorce, or Epiphany

2007-04-17T08:03:00.000-05:00

I've come to the conclusion that I do have choices in life. This is new for me. I have felt for years that I am trapped without any choices.

Guess what? I do have choices. I just don't know what they are yet. I have an appointment with an attorney on Friday to find out.

Last Friday I came to the conclusion that I need to change my life. I deserve to be happy. Hell, so does my husband, and there's no way he's happy right now. Unless he's completely oblivious to the fact that I can't stand to be around him anymore. (this is not outside the realm of possibilities--I think he's oblivious to most facts)

I'm not going to be unfaithful in my marriage. I'm just not. I don't want to have to answer that question. It's better to end it cleanly, and be the better person.

Dilemna, Or, Why I'm not sleeping at night

2007-04-12T10:43:00.000-05:00

No matter how many Ativan I take before bedtime, I cannot sleep.

Here's the deal:

About a year ago (a little more than a year, actually) I found out my husband was having an affair. Told this woman he loved her and everything. Up until that point, I NEVER would have thought he would do something like that. We've been married for several years. I was completely devastated. I can't describe how hard that hurt. And what hurt more is the fact that it took him MONTHS to stop the relationship. Why did I stay? Well, we have so much debt in common that it just seemed to hard to split, I was waiting on a surgery during all of this and wanted to get that behind me before I made any crazy life changes, and plus we have a little girl (who is 8 now).

So I pretty much just quashed the pain. Going through the motions. My feelings for my husband are not even close to what they were prior to that BS. I'm more or less, "meh" about my whole marriage. Oh, did I mention that in addition to working full time I'm a full time college student? My point is I'm busy--with a lot going on---and up until this point divorce sounds like more trouble than its worth.

I have never felt any kind of passion for the DH. Ever. I made the choice to marry him at a very vulnerable time in my life. I don't regret it but boy would i like out. It's been a relatively productive marriage, in that we have both increased ourselves in positive ways through the years. But I'm unhappy, I want out, and I just don't know how to get out. I need money. I need someone to rescue me, really. I just want to cry but so much time of holding my tears back, I don't know if I can even cry anymore.

The stress of having to still share a home with DH while my mind is constantly on another is just killing me. I can't eat. I've lost 20 pounds in the past two months without really even trying. I'm working out all the time to, I don't know, distract myself.

The dog from hell

2006-10-05T10:28:00.000-05:00

OK. My dogs are officially making me insane. I have two little dogs, let's call them C & B. C is a rescue dog, he's been great, brought my family tons of joy as well as ginormous vet bills.

However, about every night at 2am, he decides it's prime ass-licking time and has to do it in my bedroom.

Loudly.

If I boot him out, he will cry at my door for the remainder of the night.

Now, I am a dog lover. Big time. But this dog is making me loose my religion in a big way.

Favorite websites

2006-10-04T11:51:00.000-05:00

Here's mine:

http://prettydumbthings.typepad.com/chelseagirl/

http://dlisted.blogspot.com

www.pajiba.com

www.overheardinnewyork.com

Good reading all around!

The Missing O

2006-10-04T11:25:00.000-05:00

I can't find my O. How depressing. I'm a seasoned professional, so to speak. Not that kind of professional, you creep. I mean, I found my O at a VERY early age--so early it would probably freak most men out---many women probably would say they found theirs as early if not earlier.

Anyway, for the past two days, I've been very close, but no banana. I mean, there's SOMETHING there, but not the real deal, you know? I'm sure it will return, I'm just sad and disappointed.

Last night, doing the somewhat wild but usual thing we do, I'm going cowgirl, I'm almost there, almost there, and then it was gone. Because he usually won't get his until I get mine (bless him), I had to fake it. I've never done that. I didn't like it one tiny bit.

Then today, I had an opportunity to go (ahem) solo, and it just wasn't there.

Oh well.......there's always tomorrow.....

Genesis

2005-09-02T13:54:00.000-05:00

I can't think of anything deep to say for the first post, so I'll just ramble on.
I am a Southern woman, lived here my whole life. Right now, we are all reeling from the effects of Hurricane Katrina, our hearts at the same time breaking for our poor brothers and sisters in dire conditions and breathing a sigh of relief as in, thank god it wasn't us. We thought we had it bad in Ivan, boy, were we wrong. We never went hungry. Or had to see the dead in the streets. Jesus, what are we going to do?

Who would want to move here now? Especially close to the coast? Two states worth of coast line, gone.

Most people are angry at the folks shooting at their rescuers, stealing guns, etc. However, I can't help wonder how I would react in the same situation. Utterly destitute.

I hope everyone takes a moment to give ten bucks or something to the Red Cross. ESPECIALLY people in the South. I remember after Ivan, the Red Cross was so there with hot meals, ice, etc. They are miracle workers.