The aftermath (?) or, waiting for the other shoe to drop

Well, I've left my husband. Moved out. Filed for divorce. It really hasn't been as awful as I had anticipated. Don't get me wrong, this is a terrible, terrible experience. However, he seems to be taking it rather well. If you overlook the constant tears. It breaks my heart to hurt someone in the way that I have hurt him. There is absolutely no taking it back. I wish I could keep all the hurt to myself so I could spare him, I swear it.

He told me today that someone told him about seeing me with someone else. Well, what he said was, I know you are seeing someone. And he apologized for not making enough money in our marriage. Isn't that just crazy?

The truth of the matter is, yes, I have been seeing someone. But only since I left him. I was not seeing this person beforehand. Not that anyone would believe me. This person I have been seeing is now officially freaked out because he's separated and thinks that the timing of everything will look SSOOOO bad. And it would. But it's not as bad as someone might assume. I actually think that I am in love with this person. It has been many years since I have felt this way about anyone. Is it rebound? No, not really. I had feelings for this person before I left the DH. I probably would have happily (at least temporarily) had an affair because by that point I had already stopped loving my husband, and I have never been in love with him. However, this person is of the stuff that he totally put the brakes on, saying that it was wrong.

No one was happier than me that he wanted to see me after I left the husband. I am so happy when I'm with this other person. My therapist thinks I'm in a euphoric state. So does that mean that nothing I am feeling is real?